I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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