I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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