Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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