Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
