Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
