worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
