I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
