I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
