The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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