i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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