9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
