the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
