Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
