I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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