I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
