you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
