Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
