i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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