On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
