Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
