Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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