I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
