The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
