First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
