There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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