Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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