The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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