Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
