apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
