it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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