Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
