Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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