My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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