Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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