Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize