omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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