Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
