I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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