Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
