you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
