Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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