The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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