i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
