you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize