I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
