Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
