So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
