well I can't set my house on fire every night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
