I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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