The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
