Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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