The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
