This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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