Soap is not a condiment
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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