I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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