How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
