he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
