i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
