We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
