i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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