it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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