Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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