do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
